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What this is
Decades of relationship research found four communication patterns — criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling — that reliably damage conversations. The good news: each has a known "antidote." This check helps you honestly spot which ones you slip into, then swap them for the repair move — gentle start-up, appreciation, owning your part, or self-soothing. You finish with a respectful way to say the same thing, one that protects the relationship instead of harming it.
Benefits
Spot the Patterns
Catch the four conversation-wreckers
Know the Antidotes
Swap each harm for its repair move
Honest Self-Check
See your own part, without shame
Protect the Bond
Say it in a way that doesn't wound
⚠ Precautions
- A self-help communication exercise, not therapy or couples counselling.
- This is about your own patterns — not a tool to diagnose your partner.
- If a relationship involves abuse or you feel unsafe, please reach a professional or helpline.
- If you ever feel unsafe, pause and reach a helpline.
This tool offers general self-help support only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental-health advice, diagnosis, treatment, or emergency care.